Saying No is something that many of us find difficult.
We may be worried about putting a relationship at risk, or being a poor team player, or speaking up about our own needs and priorities. Or maybe we just like to be helpful and demonstrate a positive can-do attitude. But sometimes it’s necessary to say No. Otherwise we can end up over-stretched, resentful towards others and irritated with ourselves, neglecting our own responsibilities or simply doing the wrong thing.
How can I have more influence? It’s an important question in a crowded, noisy, competitive world.
In theory there are many sources of power and influence: position, expertise, association, reputation, and of course wealth, if you’re lucky enough to have it. But most of these are difficult to acquire and highly dependent on the support or goodwill of others. Yet there is one source of influence that is uniquely within our own control: the power of the spoken word.
A common recommendation on how to improve meetings is to ensure that they have a clear agenda. Other bits of good advice then include sticking to that agenda and making sure that you deal with the most important items first. But here’s a further suggestion that can make a huge difference when it comes to making meetings more productive.
As a coach I’m often asked to have a ‘chemistry meeting’ with a prospective coachee.
Chemistry Meeting is a phrase that has come into fashion in recent years, but it’s never been very clear what it actually means. This piece offers some clarification and some advice.
Personally, I find the notion that you can ‘have’ any sort of meeting rather strange. It suggests that meetings are something you can possess, rather than what they really are, which are somewhat unpredictable interactions created as they go along by the people taking part. Meetings are essentially dynamic, their qualities emerge from the process; we should not expect their outcomes to be fully within our control. So when someone says, ‘It’s my meeting,’ that doesn’t give them control; it only gives them the primary responsibility for facilitating the interaction to make it productive.
vp-adminHow coaches can make Chemistry Meetings useful
Understanding the motive behind questions can show us How to Handle Inquiries Effectively.
Why do you ask? How to recognise the motive behind the question
You’ll probably have been on the receiving end of someone’s question and found yourself thinking, ‘Why do you ask?’ It’s a useful piece of wondering for a number of reasons. For a start, it prompts you to consider how you’re going to reply, and thoughtful answers generally make for more productive conversations. For another reason, a range of quite different motives might lie behind the inquirer’s question. An answer, which fails to take account of the motive behind the question, is a risky answer. It might be irrelevant, naive or unethical, an inappropriate, unguarded or unauthorised disclosure, or an opinion that is hasty, narrow or simplistic.
vp-adminWhy Do You Ask – How to Handle Inquiries More Effectively
The first time someone asked me to be their mentor, I was both flattered and puzzled.
It felt like an honour to have been asked, but I wasn’t quite clear about what being a mentor actually meant. Instinctively I turned to the dictionary, and in doing so realised that I was consulting a mentor of my own.
Although it’s called the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, it comes in two hefty volumes, runs to 2,672 pages in my edition, and weighs in at 4.6 kg (I know, because I’ve just weighed it on the bathroom scales.) I bought it more than forty years ago and ever since it has been on hand, always beside me in my office, ready to be consulted if I need it.
That will sound cryptic, if not nonsensical, so let me hasten to explain. Effective salespeople do more than simply push their products, propositions or services. So what else do they do? How do you sell well? What does that sound like? What voices are involved?
One thing that is not in short supply in our working lives are potentially difficult conversations:
Giving or receiving feedback, selling ideas or proposals, being interviewed, performance appraisals, negotiations, contributing to meetings large and small, especially when the personalities of the participants can be so very different from one another. The list could go on. The point is that we are all faced with a multitude of occasions when we need to make our voices work in a particular way and where it can be difficult to ensure the outcome we would wish.
‘You look a bit stressed.’
‘Sure am. Got a difficult session coming up today.’
What does ‘blue sky thinking’ sound like? What voices do you need to put it into practice? What indeed does this particular piece of ‘management-speak’ actually mean? Let’s look at how to facilitate blue sky thinking.
‘Blue sky thinking’ is one of those easy-sounding turns of phrase which come up in organisational life, but which are not always clarified sufficiently for people to understand what is expected, when they are asked to do it.
What is the ‘blue sky’ metaphor meant to convey? Lucid? Bright? Fresh? Unencumbered? All of the above? Or is it a peculiarly British expression reflecting the notorious British weather? Is it simply an exhortation to get away from patterns of thought that have become familiar, grey, dull and downcast?
With terrorism a matter of acute public concern, the latest in our Voices at Work series focuses on one of the roles in the front line of keeping us safe.
Voices at Work – The Investigative Interviewer
Neil Brewster is an investigative interviewer. If you wanted to be more sensational about it, you’d call him a professional interrogator. He is a former military intelligence operator who now runs a consultancy service for clients who place a premium on the honesty and integrity of the information provided by people. Neil carries out investigative interviews for his clients and also provides them with training and coaching in how to do it themselves. He is an expert in his field, having conducted investigative interviews in a wide range of contexts from counter-terrorism to human resource management, from the high stakes to the everyday, from interviewing terrorist suspects and incident debriefing to security vetting and assessing candidates for job selection.
Each of us has a personal but largely unconscious profile of ‘voices’ which shapes the way we talk and the impact we make. We each favour some voices, and often over-rely on them, while neglecting others.
The effect is not only to leave us less versatile than we could be and need to be, but also deaf and blind to our own inflexibilities and to the consequences of some of our actions.
By bringing your personal pattern of voices, and its impact on others, into conscious awareness, VoicePrint makes your personal, inter-personal and organisational skill-set more complete, more agile and more effective.